Alfatihah

Words can't describe how bad I feel right now...



I apologize for always finding ways to argue with you


My biggest regret is ..not being there by your side when you were lying on your deathbed...



Thank you for loving us unconditionally.

Thank you for being the most patient man I have known in my entire life.

Thank you for the lessons that no one could ever taught me better than you did.

Thank you, for without you, I won't be who I am today.




I love you Ayah...

I'll pray for you.. always..

Rest in peace

Distraction

In my previous post, I talked about distraction didn't I? Well... I had a good one with a group of friends in Shibuya a few hours back. It felt great! Really... I made new friends, one of whom was from a country I couldn't point on the European map. Basically  because my geography was lousy... Anyway, the point is, I managed to forget the melancholic feeling that has been enveloping me ever since that incident...  

But...

Once I am back in my cold room... the pain starts to crawl back in.. slicing every inch of my  heart..God.. I really have to stop this from ruining my 4 years here. Be strong me! Another 3 years and 8 months to go ...

頑張れ！自分！

Marginilisation

Of late, the above word has been repeatedly used here and there that I somehow sense that it has been abused by the users. Everybody tends to think that they are marginilised these day. Whether or not there's truth in the claims, I can't tell.

Single mothers think they are marginilised.

LGBT shout they are marginilised.

Non bumiputra scream they are marginilised.

Malays say that Chinese marginilised them at work

it just doesn't have an end......................

I guess the answer lies in how our puny human brains function. We are programmed to  fear and reject the unknown for our own survival. No matter how much we preach about humanity, deep down.. we are still afraid of each other.. 

Melancholia

It's weird you know. I thought I have grown over that feeling but apparently not...More than 8 years has passed and still... It's tormenting me from within. Why ?  I hope it goes away soon enough. I really need a distraction. A big one that is! Gosh... this is driving me crazy... I am supposed to be able to write anything on this blog since it's not my fb .. but I remember some of my friends who know me in real life sometimes read this .. can't risk them knowing things that I would rather die them let them know.. oh.. that does sound scandalously juicy isn't it? *wink* It is no laughing matter..How am I supposed to spit it out?  I am hurt.. deeply..  I curse the person who reincarnated this sharp throbbing feeling in my heart... curse you.... I curse you with the memory of us..  I hope I am not the only one in pain in the middle of Tokyo at this hour in this cold winter.....  curse you to your grave .. you know who you are...

Faizal Tahir

It"s been five years since OIAM season 1 but I still think Faizal Tahir deserved to win that night. FYI, I tried to vote for him.. but could never get through for a reason I still can't figure out till now. Perhaps it was fixed? so that the other participant won? mmm.. conspiracy? haha.. That was my only attempt voting for a reality show.. because I think he's the only talented participant so far who deserved my vote.. sadly... my vote ( and I suspect a whole bunch of other votes too) did not get through that night and he lost to Suki. 

Ah well.. what past is past.. though he didn't get the Million RM prize, I think he's doing much better than the champion.

here's one of my favourite:

Good night every one!

and.. do google the translation.. it's a nice song.. with a meaningful lyrics.. and NO.. it does not have anything to do with my life.. I just like this song.. that's all..

The Best Rejection

When you ask someone a favour, which rejection style do you prefer?

• Being told straight to your face, "No!"

• After going round and round the bush,  subtly, "I don't think so....."

• Ignored. No answer at all....

I think lately, i received a lot of the third kind..  I have to say, it doesn't feel good to be ignored. To me, it's the rudest kind of rejection one could have. You are kept waiting for an answer which you never know when you are going to get ..     *sigh... When you can't help me why don't you just say so?!  I am an adult.. I can take 'no' for an answer.. But being ignored.. is .. is..... pathetic..

To those who are reading this and actually know the real me... 

I abhor people who can't give an answer and decides to ignore my question!! hate!

Take note!

Long Time No See

My last entry was in July  2009. i myself wonder what caused the big gap.. after a few minutes of thinking while sipping a cold ice tea on a cold Saturday evening (it's 15 degree Celsius outside and in my room too..brr.).I think, I know the answer! 

*drumroll*

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The answer is-

Facebook!!

I was busy updating and following updates on fb that I didn't really care to visit blogger anymore. You know, on fb, I only accept people I know in real life to be my friends. So if you are just a friend of a friend, please, don't ask me to add you as a friend. 

But what made me came back to blogging? 

Haven't you had that moment on fb when you want to write something, you really had to sit down in front of the  screen and think real hard whether what you are going to write is going to stir any trouble or not? And you end up editing the whole thing in your mind first and what you typed is not exactly what you wanted to say? Well, I'm that type on fb.  Sometimes you just want to put up the photo of your children doing something which to you is of superstar quality but some of your friends might think that you are trying to show off your happy family?

People sometimes said that maybe I should just unfriend some and be more choosy when it comes to approving new friends..not that i have that many to boast anyway.. But I just don't have the heart to say no.. especially when they are people i know in real life..

And I have tried grouping them .. you know, those who can see and who cannot see certain items on my profile..  but after sometimes, i can't keep track on who is on what list anymore...

Things on fb are not as simple as it used to be.. now that most of my real friends are on fb.. even my sisters and nieces and nephews and in laws are on fb.. my bosses are on fb.. my students are on fb.. in fact I will have difficulty listing those who are not on fb.. fb is not longer the place where i can vent my anger, shout my opinion, express my feelings..  i think it will just be a social tool where i will be my civil self.. as civil as a civilian can be.. 

"how is this different you may ask?"

well.. i am quite sure i don't have a follower on my blog..  most read it by chance and they don't usually bookmark my site.. it's not worth most of people's time.. i'm writing it for my self satisfaction and I have no intention to turn this into one of those most frequented blog and get sponsored by some companies for ads etc. this is not a gossip blog with sensational stories like which Malay artist dressed like a slut or which celebrity chef faked their resume to get on a tv show kinda blog.. this blog is just about what I think.. my opinion. And my feelings.  How many of the netizens are interested in that? none i supposed..

and yes, you have to ask my permission before your comments are published.. ;)

i guess fb will just be the place where i can check on my friends when i feel like i want to know how are they doing..or what's going on in their life.. or when I want some fast feedback on something..

opinons, feelings, anger, dissatisfaction will be aired here.. on scrolllock..

and my apologies for those who wanted to know more about practising dentistry in Malaysia..

I have resigned from the Ministry of Health for more than 2 years now.. I don't have the latest information anymore. Go to their webpage for more info.. you don't know what's the link? err...mmm... try.. 'google'?