Nah... I just wanted to catch your attention there, gotcha! Neither have i met Brad Pitt nor the Death Angel himself ,not yet.. and don't know when.. and don't think so i would be able to live to blog about it...Anyway, the title should actually be.. I just watched "Meet Joe Black".For the 3rd time i think.. But.. what the heck.. now that i've gotcha..
Not that i am interested in the fantasy sort of things like.. well, you know, such a good looking death angel who actually mm.. i shall use the word 'lusted' ( ooh.. how dare him!!) over a girl whose father's soul he was supposed to take to eternity. Y not 'love'? u may ask,... well.. as the father (who is one of my favourite actor but his name totally slipped my mind right now... urgh.. me n my mini amnesia.. ) said...
" Is it really love? Have you told her who you are? Would she still love you f she knows? It is not called love. Your are being selfish, You take whatever you like without thinking of what the other person thinks.. that is not called love"
excuse me there.. i just jumbled up the sentences that Bill Parrish said to Joe Black in no particular order..
Anyway, again.. after such a lenghty opening... this is not what i wanted to highlight on tonight's entry. *sigh....
Actually, I cried. Yes .. I cried watching that movie.. not during the first and the 2nd time.. but tonight.. watching the movie..alone ( halfway, i watched it with my daughter who was not interested at all with the movie!)
It reminded me of my father. Who is now 70 years old, and is ill.. i know he is.. he's not telling.. but i know.. his heart is giving him problems everyday.. his BP is not helping either.. what more with the diabetes that he has.. he takes medicine now more than he takes his rice.The thought of him bearing the pain every morning, every night makes me feel like crying all day...I really love my father.. but I don't know whether he knows that I love him very much or not.
He has been an extra loving father to especially me.. and i knew it and i've used that advantage against my 3 elder sisters when i was growing up. My father was 40 years old when I was born. He was done with the spanking, scolding and yelling at his children that he adopted a new way to raise a child. He called it.. 'gune saikoloji'.. yup.. that was his favourite phrase.. use psychology to raise a child. He believed that nurturing a child and listening to what that child wants and not to scold her immediately and try to use other methods to overcome whatever problems or mess she created.. will help mould the child to grow up and become a smarter person. A person who is not afraid to try. A person who could become anything her heart wants her to..
Well, admittedly, it also spoiled me .. a bit.. ( huh??? a bit??? this is what my sisters will say when they read this entry, i bet ya). But i have to say.. he was right after all.. it did help me be where i am now. No offense teachers.. but to me.. my father who was only standard six educated ( or was it five?) is the greatest teacher in my entire life. He gave me the confidence i never had.
He gave me the shove i had always needed. But he was always careful not to shove too hard for he knows that might make me fall... He always try to listen to my problems although i know that most of the times.. especially starting from secondary school, he couldn't understand a thing i said. He was always interested in whatever it was that i did... He would eagerly listen to all my stories when i went back home from my school breaks..He always tried to give me everything i asked although sometimes he knew it was too much for him and sometimes he could not afford it.. but he never said no. I f only i knew better at that time.. i wouldn't have been such a brat. I would have listened more to my sisters and wouldn't have pushed him too hard.
I still remember he used to carry me to the bedroom because i always fell asleep in front of the tv . Up until i was 10 when he gave up and had to wake me up and made me go to bed myself.. i was too heavy for him then.. and believe it or not.. i have never used public transport back in my hometown for my father would drive me around anytime, anywhere i wanted to go, in his old, second hand toyota corolla..
When i told him that i was going to japan for my first degree.. and the course is for 6 years..
He was stunned.. he was shocked.. I could tell from his eyes, I knew he didn't want me to go that far.. but he never said no, you can't go.. One day.. a few moths before i left for tokyo.. he whispered.. " what if I die when you are overseas.. u will come back for my funeral, right?"
And only god knows how hard i cried that night... i almost cancelled it and decided to continue locally instead.. but then when i saw the gleams in his eyes when he talked to the village folks about her beloved daughter going to tokyo to study to become a dentist... when i saw how proud he was... when i listened to his voice.. i knew.. he was actually very happy for me.. he was just afraid that he won't see me again after i leave for my studies...
He drove all the way from Terengganu to come and fetch me at KLIA in April 2003 after I came back with my DDS. I was a bit surprised to see that he has grown very old.. although the last time i saw him was in 2001 when i went home during semester break. But he was grinning ear to ear to see me.. tears welled in his eyes. He was the sensitive one in the family. Even far more sensitive than my mother.
Little did i know that over the 2 years from 2001 to 2003.. he actually underwent an operation for his heart condition. He never told me.. and warned the rest of the family not to tell me.. he didn't want to disturb my studies.
When I started work, he was very busy finding a house and even a car for me. By then I was 25, I knew already that my father was not a rich man and i knew he could not afford it... but he insisted.. He was afraid of my safety. He knew i had to do calls and stuff.. he wanted to make sure i have everything i need to work safely and comfortable. Not long after that, I got married. Right after that, ayah seemed to stop looking after me anymore... When I mentioned anything.. he would just say.. discuss it with your husband..
But until now.. i have a 2 year old daughter and is happily ( although sometimes i do feel like kicking my husband in the butt.. ) married.. i still feel that deep down ayah's heart.. he still wants to care.. he just doesn't want to overdo it. He will call us regularly.. sometimes without knowing what to say..
So, when I saw Meet Joe Black, i thought of my own father.. will i ever be ready for that kind of thing? I know.. maybe it's me who will go first.. but let's not talk about that possibility now..
I don't know.. i have always tried to be prepared just in case.. but only thinking about it made gallons of tears poured down my cheek.No matter how natural it is to die of old age.. i don't think so i will ever be ready to see my father go... no..
Ayah.. if only u can read this..
i want you to know that you are the greatest father one could ever have.. yes we had our ups and downs ayah is not an angel.. he has his weaknesses.. i hate the fact that you are a heavy smoker... and i know that you have been a casanova when you were young , always leaving mom in tears .. trying to go after some other women.. even until when i was in the university.. ( so my sisters said..) But in the end.. you came back to us.. and.. you didn't really do something stupid.. you were just.. being... well.. a man.... a li'l bit naughty though....
I want you to know.. you will always be in my heart and only god knows how much i love you, ayah!. Please forgive me for everything that i did.. you have never done anything that need you to apologise from me. In fact, I need to thank you for being the best father ever. I hope you will have a very happy and healthy days ahead.. I wish you will be free from worries and problems..
And my prayers ayah.. that Allah will let both of us go to heaven if we die.
Your beloved daughter,
HR.
Not that i am interested in the fantasy sort of things like.. well, you know, such a good looking death angel who actually mm.. i shall use the word 'lusted' ( ooh.. how dare him!!) over a girl whose father's soul he was supposed to take to eternity. Y not 'love'? u may ask,... well.. as the father (who is one of my favourite actor but his name totally slipped my mind right now... urgh.. me n my mini amnesia.. ) said...
" Is it really love? Have you told her who you are? Would she still love you f she knows? It is not called love. Your are being selfish, You take whatever you like without thinking of what the other person thinks.. that is not called love"
excuse me there.. i just jumbled up the sentences that Bill Parrish said to Joe Black in no particular order..
Anyway, again.. after such a lenghty opening... this is not what i wanted to highlight on tonight's entry. *sigh....
Actually, I cried. Yes .. I cried watching that movie.. not during the first and the 2nd time.. but tonight.. watching the movie..alone ( halfway, i watched it with my daughter who was not interested at all with the movie!)
It reminded me of my father. Who is now 70 years old, and is ill.. i know he is.. he's not telling.. but i know.. his heart is giving him problems everyday.. his BP is not helping either.. what more with the diabetes that he has.. he takes medicine now more than he takes his rice.The thought of him bearing the pain every morning, every night makes me feel like crying all day...I really love my father.. but I don't know whether he knows that I love him very much or not.
He has been an extra loving father to especially me.. and i knew it and i've used that advantage against my 3 elder sisters when i was growing up. My father was 40 years old when I was born. He was done with the spanking, scolding and yelling at his children that he adopted a new way to raise a child. He called it.. 'gune saikoloji'.. yup.. that was his favourite phrase.. use psychology to raise a child. He believed that nurturing a child and listening to what that child wants and not to scold her immediately and try to use other methods to overcome whatever problems or mess she created.. will help mould the child to grow up and become a smarter person. A person who is not afraid to try. A person who could become anything her heart wants her to..
Well, admittedly, it also spoiled me .. a bit.. ( huh??? a bit??? this is what my sisters will say when they read this entry, i bet ya). But i have to say.. he was right after all.. it did help me be where i am now. No offense teachers.. but to me.. my father who was only standard six educated ( or was it five?) is the greatest teacher in my entire life. He gave me the confidence i never had.
He gave me the shove i had always needed. But he was always careful not to shove too hard for he knows that might make me fall... He always try to listen to my problems although i know that most of the times.. especially starting from secondary school, he couldn't understand a thing i said. He was always interested in whatever it was that i did... He would eagerly listen to all my stories when i went back home from my school breaks..He always tried to give me everything i asked although sometimes he knew it was too much for him and sometimes he could not afford it.. but he never said no. I f only i knew better at that time.. i wouldn't have been such a brat. I would have listened more to my sisters and wouldn't have pushed him too hard.
I still remember he used to carry me to the bedroom because i always fell asleep in front of the tv . Up until i was 10 when he gave up and had to wake me up and made me go to bed myself.. i was too heavy for him then.. and believe it or not.. i have never used public transport back in my hometown for my father would drive me around anytime, anywhere i wanted to go, in his old, second hand toyota corolla..
When i told him that i was going to japan for my first degree.. and the course is for 6 years..
He was stunned.. he was shocked.. I could tell from his eyes, I knew he didn't want me to go that far.. but he never said no, you can't go.. One day.. a few moths before i left for tokyo.. he whispered.. " what if I die when you are overseas.. u will come back for my funeral, right?"
And only god knows how hard i cried that night... i almost cancelled it and decided to continue locally instead.. but then when i saw the gleams in his eyes when he talked to the village folks about her beloved daughter going to tokyo to study to become a dentist... when i saw how proud he was... when i listened to his voice.. i knew.. he was actually very happy for me.. he was just afraid that he won't see me again after i leave for my studies...
He drove all the way from Terengganu to come and fetch me at KLIA in April 2003 after I came back with my DDS. I was a bit surprised to see that he has grown very old.. although the last time i saw him was in 2001 when i went home during semester break. But he was grinning ear to ear to see me.. tears welled in his eyes. He was the sensitive one in the family. Even far more sensitive than my mother.
Little did i know that over the 2 years from 2001 to 2003.. he actually underwent an operation for his heart condition. He never told me.. and warned the rest of the family not to tell me.. he didn't want to disturb my studies.
When I started work, he was very busy finding a house and even a car for me. By then I was 25, I knew already that my father was not a rich man and i knew he could not afford it... but he insisted.. He was afraid of my safety. He knew i had to do calls and stuff.. he wanted to make sure i have everything i need to work safely and comfortable. Not long after that, I got married. Right after that, ayah seemed to stop looking after me anymore... When I mentioned anything.. he would just say.. discuss it with your husband..
But until now.. i have a 2 year old daughter and is happily ( although sometimes i do feel like kicking my husband in the butt.. ) married.. i still feel that deep down ayah's heart.. he still wants to care.. he just doesn't want to overdo it. He will call us regularly.. sometimes without knowing what to say..
So, when I saw Meet Joe Black, i thought of my own father.. will i ever be ready for that kind of thing? I know.. maybe it's me who will go first.. but let's not talk about that possibility now..
I don't know.. i have always tried to be prepared just in case.. but only thinking about it made gallons of tears poured down my cheek.No matter how natural it is to die of old age.. i don't think so i will ever be ready to see my father go... no..
Ayah.. if only u can read this..
i want you to know that you are the greatest father one could ever have.. yes we had our ups and downs ayah is not an angel.. he has his weaknesses.. i hate the fact that you are a heavy smoker... and i know that you have been a casanova when you were young , always leaving mom in tears .. trying to go after some other women.. even until when i was in the university.. ( so my sisters said..) But in the end.. you came back to us.. and.. you didn't really do something stupid.. you were just.. being... well.. a man.... a li'l bit naughty though....
I want you to know.. you will always be in my heart and only god knows how much i love you, ayah!. Please forgive me for everything that i did.. you have never done anything that need you to apologise from me. In fact, I need to thank you for being the best father ever. I hope you will have a very happy and healthy days ahead.. I wish you will be free from worries and problems..
And my prayers ayah.. that Allah will let both of us go to heaven if we die.
Your beloved daughter,
HR.
