Friday, December 7, 2007

From Conjunctivitis to Sinusitis


And today, this is how my eyes look like. Syasya generously donated her conjunctivitis to me which was made worse when the infection went to my sinuses and clogged my sinuses which if left untreated , can lead to bronchitis and then an asthma attack.. again..
Thank god.. this time not only i followed all the medications schedule but i also took the doctor's advice to stay and rest at home. So here i am, home, recuperating from all the *itis and concentrating on my blogging skills...( as if i have any... )

Nebulizer oh Nebulizer!

This was me last month , worst attack ever.. but i think i looked ..mm not so bad ...
This is why i want to live in somewhere like the place they have in the Sound of Music.. ahh.. the hills are aliiive... huk huk.. *cough..


Sutong Chelok Ttepong @ Pata Telok Ketapang

Aghi ni seghe nok tulih dalang bahasa tghanung lah pulok.. .. tapi ghasenye susoh lah nok tulih dalang bahase tghanung sebak caghe sebok die kadang tu susoh nok eja biar bunyi molek .. dok tau la.. nok kkabor dok gheti..

Tapinye.. kali ning nok cite sikek pasa sutong chelok ttepong dekak pata telok ketapang.. dekak je nge airport llage bating.. first taing gi tera makang ssitu suami bowok.. setakat ni rasanya kalu nok banding nge tepak laing .. ssitu ah sedak sekali.. keda dia.. nama menda dok ingat la pulok.. khepok gote pong sedak.. ikang goreng ttepong die pong sedak.. mmm... maghi la tera sekali..

Rase2 kalu ade tepak hok buleh lawang keda ning.. kkabor la etek kite.. buleh gi tera..


Dang ambik gambo sutong je.. hok laing dok dang pasa sibok nok makang..



Kalu tepak awok makang tu ada napok laut ginning.. ye lah tu.. keda sama la tu..



Sedaknya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I Met Joe Black

Nah... I just wanted to catch your attention there, gotcha! Neither have i met Brad Pitt nor the Death Angel himself ,not yet.. and don't know when.. and don't think so i would be able to live to blog about it...Anyway, the title should actually be.. I just watched "Meet Joe Black".For the 3rd time i think.. But.. what the heck.. now that i've gotcha..

Not that i am interested in the fantasy sort of things like.. well, you know, such a good looking death angel who actually mm.. i shall use the word 'lusted' ( ooh.. how dare him!!) over a girl whose father's soul he was supposed to take to eternity. Y not 'love'? u may ask,... well.. as the father (who is one of my favourite actor but his name totally slipped my mind right now... urgh.. me n my mini amnesia.. ) said...

" Is it really love? Have you told her who you are? Would she still love you f she knows? It is not called love. Your are being selfish, You take whatever you like without thinking of what the other person thinks.. that is not called love"
excuse me there.. i just jumbled up the sentences that Bill Parrish said to Joe Black in no particular order..

Anyway, again.. after such a lenghty opening... this is not what i wanted to highlight on tonight's entry. *sigh....

Actually, I cried. Yes .. I cried watching that movie.. not during the first and the 2nd time.. but tonight.. watching the movie..alone ( halfway, i watched it with my daughter who was not interested at all with the movie!)

It reminded me of my father. Who is now 70 years old, and is ill.. i know he is.. he's not telling.. but i know.. his heart is giving him problems everyday.. his BP is not helping either.. what more with the diabetes that he has.. he takes medicine now more than he takes his rice.The thought of him bearing the pain every morning, every night makes me feel like crying all day...I really love my father.. but I don't know whether he knows that I love him very much or not.

He has been an extra loving father to especially me.. and i knew it and i've used that advantage against my 3 elder sisters when i was growing up. My father was 40 years old when I was born. He was done with the spanking, scolding and yelling at his children that he adopted a new way to raise a child. He called it.. 'gune saikoloji'.. yup.. that was his favourite phrase.. use psychology to raise a child. He believed that nurturing a child and listening to what that child wants and not to scold her immediately and try to use other methods to overcome whatever problems or mess she created.. will help mould the child to grow up and become a smarter person. A person who is not afraid to try. A person who could become anything her heart wants her to..

Well, admittedly, it also spoiled me .. a bit.. ( huh??? a bit??? this is what my sisters will say when they read this entry, i bet ya). But i have to say.. he was right after all.. it did help me be where i am now. No offense teachers.. but to me.. my father who was only standard six educated ( or was it five?) is the greatest teacher in my entire life. He gave me the confidence i never had.
He gave me the shove i had always needed. But he was always careful not to shove too hard for he knows that might make me fall... He always try to listen to my problems although i know that most of the times.. especially starting from secondary school, he couldn't understand a thing i said. He was always interested in whatever it was that i did... He would eagerly listen to all my stories when i went back home from my school breaks..He always tried to give me everything i asked although sometimes he knew it was too much for him and sometimes he could not afford it.. but he never said no. I f only i knew better at that time.. i wouldn't have been such a brat. I would have listened more to my sisters and wouldn't have pushed him too hard.

I still remember he used to carry me to the bedroom because i always fell asleep in front of the tv . Up until i was 10 when he gave up and had to wake me up and made me go to bed myself.. i was too heavy for him then.. and believe it or not.. i have never used public transport back in my hometown for my father would drive me around anytime, anywhere i wanted to go, in his old, second hand toyota corolla..

When i told him that i was going to japan for my first degree.. and the course is for 6 years..
He was stunned.. he was shocked.. I could tell from his eyes, I knew he didn't want me to go that far.. but he never said no, you can't go.. One day.. a few moths before i left for tokyo.. he whispered.. " what if I die when you are overseas.. u will come back for my funeral, right?"
And only god knows how hard i cried that night... i almost cancelled it and decided to continue locally instead.. but then when i saw the gleams in his eyes when he talked to the village folks about her beloved daughter going to tokyo to study to become a dentist... when i saw how proud he was... when i listened to his voice.. i knew.. he was actually very happy for me.. he was just afraid that he won't see me again after i leave for my studies...

He drove all the way from Terengganu to come and fetch me at KLIA in April 2003 after I came back with my DDS. I was a bit surprised to see that he has grown very old.. although the last time i saw him was in 2001 when i went home during semester break. But he was grinning ear to ear to see me.. tears welled in his eyes. He was the sensitive one in the family. Even far more sensitive than my mother.

Little did i know that over the 2 years from 2001 to 2003.. he actually underwent an operation for his heart condition. He never told me.. and warned the rest of the family not to tell me.. he didn't want to disturb my studies.

When I started work, he was very busy finding a house and even a car for me. By then I was 25, I knew already that my father was not a rich man and i knew he could not afford it... but he insisted.. He was afraid of my safety. He knew i had to do calls and stuff.. he wanted to make sure i have everything i need to work safely and comfortable. Not long after that, I got married. Right after that, ayah seemed to stop looking after me anymore... When I mentioned anything.. he would just say.. discuss it with your husband..

But until now.. i have a 2 year old daughter and is happily ( although sometimes i do feel like kicking my husband in the butt.. ) married.. i still feel that deep down ayah's heart.. he still wants to care.. he just doesn't want to overdo it. He will call us regularly.. sometimes without knowing what to say..

So, when I saw Meet Joe Black, i thought of my own father.. will i ever be ready for that kind of thing? I know.. maybe it's me who will go first.. but let's not talk about that possibility now..
I don't know.. i have always tried to be prepared just in case.. but only thinking about it made gallons of tears poured down my cheek.No matter how natural it is to die of old age.. i don't think so i will ever be ready to see my father go... no..

Ayah.. if only u can read this..

i want you to know that you are the greatest father one could ever have.. yes we had our ups and downs ayah is not an angel.. he has his weaknesses.. i hate the fact that you are a heavy smoker... and i know that you have been a casanova when you were young , always leaving mom in tears .. trying to go after some other women.. even until when i was in the university.. ( so my sisters said..) But in the end.. you came back to us.. and.. you didn't really do something stupid.. you were just.. being... well.. a man.... a li'l bit naughty though....

I want you to know.. you will always be in my heart and only god knows how much i love you, ayah!. Please forgive me for everything that i did.. you have never done anything that need you to apologise from me. In fact, I need to thank you for being the best father ever. I hope you will have a very happy and healthy days ahead.. I wish you will be free from worries and problems..
And my prayers ayah.. that Allah will let both of us go to heaven if we die.

Your beloved daughter,
HR.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Art Of Staying Connected

How wonderful it is nowadays that we could reach almost everyone, anywhere anytime , provided we have the right tools.. Well, thanks to stuff like Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Mixi,Flickr, Yahoo, Gmail n countless other networking and www online sharing thingy..

Recently, i was able to contact an old friend whom i met in Tokyo during the 2001 APDSA or was it 2002?? Anyway, She is now practising dentistry in Indonesia and just got married...

Another lovely surprise came from Dr SY Lau.. a dear old friend from college days.. She is currently working in the USA as a medical specialist.... She helped me a lot during my first 2 years in TMDU.. I just randomly invited some names in my address book to join friendster and facebook.. and she replied to the invitation mail..

Although there are times when i felt that i wanted to be left alone in my own world.. but there are times when i want to reach out to my friends and listen to their stories and maybe reminisce about the old days.. And now is the time that I want to know what's going on with my friends all over the world..

So, if u r one of them.. do drop me aline.. and if u do have any of the account listed above... please add me as your friend.

Oh yeah.. forewarning though.. i may not be consistent in updating and responding.. but that doesn't mean that i forgot all about u guys!

lastly, before the seasons end..

happy hari raya y'all..

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sebab tu laaa....

It's been a week full of frustration for me. Come on, people expect us to deliver but how could we if there are always people of so called importance always meddle with our work??? U tell me!!!
Oh.. anyway, the next sentence onward is going to be in malay, in honor of the Bulan Bahasa & Sastera Kebangsaan 2007 ( Which no one in my office knew about it.. sad huh? working at the administrative centre but doesn't know about what's going on in the country... )

Saya mulakan sekali lagi tulisan kali ini dengan satu pertanyaan.

Apa itu amanah dalam bekerja?

Saya telah mula berkhidmat di sini sejak 4 bulan yang lalu. Pada mulanya saya datang dengan penuh semangat dan hati yang ikhlas untuk berkhidmat sebagai kakitangan kerajaan yang bersih, cekap dan amanah. Azam saya ialah untuk menghapuskan pandangan negatif masyarakat terhadap stigma perkhidmatan awam.

Umum tahu bahawa perkhidmatan awam sering dipandang rendah oleh kebanyakan orang awam. Kenapa? Perlukah saya mengulas lanjut? Baiklah.. untuk kebaikan mereka yang masih kabur tentang perkara ini.

Perkhidmatan awam dikatakan lemah dalam sistem penyampaian terutama nya perkhidmatan. Perkhidmatan awam sering dikaitkan dengan dengan rasuah, kroni, orang dalam, kurang mesra, lambat, karenah birokrasi dan pelbagai lagi imej negatif. Walaupun kerajaan kebalakangan ini mewar-warkan pelbagai slogan dan kempen bagi mengatasi masalah tersebut, sejauh manakah ianya dipatuhi oleh lebih 1 juta kakitangannya?

Kali ini saya merasa sangat terpanggil untuk menulis mengenai amanah.

Apabila menyebut tentang amanah, kita selalunya membayangkan polis atau jpj menerima duit kopi , ataupun kes ahli lembaga pengarah pecah amanah.. atau pun kes ahli politik wang.. tapi itu adalah secara kasar..
secara halusnya..
bagaimana dengan kes ini?

Pegawai bawahan A ditugaskan untuk menguruskan pertukaran dan penempatan pegawai di kementeriannya. Selama ini terlalu ramai pegawai dari seluruh malaysia yang menghubungi pegawai tersebut dengan harapan permohonan masing-masing akan diluluskan dengan kadar yang segera. Pegawai A menerangkan kepada setiap orang bahawa mereka perlu mengikut prosedur yang ditetapkan. Kenapa perlu ikut prosedur?? Kerana- ini adalah untuk kepentingan perkhidmatan. Sekiranya semua orang dibenarkan bertukar sesuka hati, bayangkan kesan yang akan dihadapi oleh perkhidmatan yang ditawarkan dan akhirnya akan melibatkan masyarakat setempat.

Tapi sayangnya, masih ramai pegawai-pegawai kerajaan yang ego dan mementingkan diri sendiri dan merasakan masalah dirinya adalah masalah terhebat di dunia lantas menggunakan cara kotor untuk memastikan permohonannya diluluskan.

Pernahkah mereka ini terbayang kesannnya kepada perkhidmatan????. Ini akan menimbulkan masalah dalam penyampaian perkhidmatan secara langsung dan secara tidak langsung pula akan menimbulkan rasa tidak puas hati kepada pegawai lain yang bagaikan si dungu menunggu giliran untuk ditukarkan. Dan tentu sekali ianya satu masalah kepada saya untuk menerangkan kepada pegawai-pegawai lain kenapa si polan dan si anu dapat ditukarkan tanpa mengikut prosedur?? Pegawai -pegawai ini adalah dari golongan profesional. Mereka tidak akan dapat menerima jawapan seperti ' Oh.. si polan tu ada kabel., abang dia somebody, bapak dia kenal orang , oh.. bapak dia pengarah la! dsb.. '!!

Kesannya.. ini akan menebalkan rasa tak puas hati dan tertindas pegawai dan meningkatkan kebarangkalian mereka meningglkan perkhidmatan kerajaan dan berkhidmat dengan swasta. Ini adalah satu kerugian besar kepada kerajaan kerana mereka adalah aset penting. Jutaan ringgit telah dibelanjakan kerajaan untuk menyara pengajian mereka dan kerana sikap tidak amanah sesetengah pihak, masyarakat kerugian.

Tetapi, apa yang menguatkan rasa kesal saya adalah, yang mengamalkan sikap tolong kroni ini adalah bukan ketua yang tertinggi, tetapi mereka yang dibawahnya. Menteri sudah pesan jangan guna kabel demi kepentingan perkhidmatan tetapi menteri tidak tahu apa yang terjadi. Menteri tidak tahu yang ketua bahagian sekian, pengarah sekian, setiausaha bahagian sekian menggunakan kuasanya untuk bertindak di luar prosedur dan menolong sedara mara, sahabat handai dan rakan taulannya.Alhamdulillah , menteri sekarang belum pernah lagi masuk campur dalam urusan-urusan ini.

Persoalannya di sini.

Bagaimana dengan mereka yang hanya lah anak orang kebanyakan yang tidak punya kenalan di pihak pengurusan tinggi??? Siapa yang akan membela nasib mereka??
Harus di ingat setiap yang memohon mempunyai alasan yang kukuh dan sebab tersendiri.

Saya akan ingat mereka dan saudara mara mereka yang tidak amanah ini hingga ke akhir hayat.. untuk pengajaran dan peringatan kepada diri sendiri.

Saya tahu.. mungkin ada yang berkata, kalau tak pakai kabel, tak dilayan.

Pemikiran ini lah yang harus dibuang!!!!!

Kerana anda telah mengulang semula kitaran yang tidak sihat. Yang paling saya sedih, 100% kes kroni yang saya lihat adalah melibatkan kaum saya sendiri.

Kita melenting jika kaum kita dipersenda, kita melenting jika perkhidmatan awam dikeji, tetapi kita tidak berusaha untuk membaikkan keadaan.

Pesanan saya.. sekiranya anda berada di posisi yang berkuasa, ingatlah.. jangan menindas orang lain, dan jangan menolong kroni hanya kerana mereka kroni anda. Kaji lah dahulu alasan mereka. Dan kepada semua pegawai .. ingatlah.. nama pun pegawai awam, berkhidmatlah untuk orang awam. Sekiranya tak mampu, berhenti. Ni tidak.. nak kerja dengan kerajaan, nak cuti banyak, nak bonus, nak naik pangkat , nak cepat sambung belajar .. semuanya nakkkk.... tetapi tidak mahu menyumbang kepada masyarakat di pedalaman. eeeeee... geram!


saya akhiri dengan satu lagi pertanyaan.

Amanahkah anda????????????????????????????????????????

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Shoot!!

I forgot to blog about that meme I read on k. ruby's blog..
urgh.. n to think that by leaving clinical work and opting for office work will leave me more time to blog.... amainaa..( japanese word)